All I Want for Christmas is Munchies

A plume of ash and soot erupted at the base of the chimney, as a large man thumped onto the base. He grunted as he crawled out of the small cavity, muttering to himself. His red and white fur coat was matted with black splodges, likely from going down thousands of chimneys that night. Santa pulled out a cloth to wipe his spectacles, and scanned the room for the Christmas tree and stockings. He found two small stockings hanging above the mantle, each with the names of the children embroidered onto the front. He pulled out his iPad to check the list his elves had prepared for him. Looks like these two are getting coal again this year, Santa thought. Out of curiosity, Santa checked the reason why they had been placed on the naughty list. Upon reading it, Santa let out a loud "Ho ho ho!". Turns out, the two boys had placed their pet snake in their teacher's drawer on the day of an exam, in the hopes of getting the school to cancel it. Poor Miss Whittaker had fainted of shock. Santa knew this sort of behavior was not to be rewarded, but he couldn't help but smile at the audacity of the boys. Reminds me of my younger days. He pulled out two pieces of coal from the fireplace and placed them into the stockings. Gotta save my stock of coal for the Californians, Santa thought. As he started towards the chimney, he noticed the plate of milk and cookies kept on the dinner table. I sure hope this isn't made of vegan butter and oat milk. I was sick for days after that incident. He picked up a double chocolate chip cookie and dunked it in the milk, and took a bite. The decadent Belgian chocolate chips paired excellently with the full fat milk. There was a funky flavor in there somewhere, he figured that these days people do all kinds of weird stuff with cookies. Kitchen sink cookies, bread butter and jam cookies, he once even had a cookie that had sesame paste and korean chili paste in it. So in comparison, this was excellent. He scarfed down the cookies and milk and made his way towards the chimney.

Suddenly, a weird sensation took over. He felt his vision go blurry, and he found himself losing his balance. Oh no. Oh no no no. He could feel his inner thoughts come out from within. What am I doing with my life? Why am I breaking into people's homes and leaving them coal from their own house? He began stumbling across the room as he looked for something to steady himself against. He grabbed hold of the tablecloth in an attempt to find his footing, but instead he yanked the cloth off the table and sent the plates crashing down. With a loud thud, he fell onto the floor, unmoving.

Ethan and Nathan emerged from their hiding spots, staring at the man in shock. "Nathan, how much did you put in those?", exclaimed Ethan, staring at Santa's unmoving body. Nathan shrugged, "All of it? Kevin sold me a bunch after I told him what I was going to do with it. Turns out he got nothing last year, which is worse than coal if you think about it." Ethan rushed to the cabinet where they had hidden the packet that Kevin had given them. Infused Indica flower: 200g. "Holy shit. Nathan, this is enough to knock out an elephant!". The boys both looked down at Santa, who was mumbling something about life decisions as he lay there. A red blinking light began to blink in Santa's pocket, which caught Ethan's attention. He reached down and pulled out the tablet that Santa was using. The screen was flashing with a warning message.

Warning: Santa indisposed. Emergency elf beacon activated. Awaiting extraction.